I Said a Bad Word Once

Um, well, maybe more than once.

The point is, I'm not in the habit of saying bad words - to people's faces. Yet because of this one instance, I have a reputation.

And the worst part is: It happened at church.

You know, the place where we're supposed to go and be holy and be really nice to one another? Even when we don't feel very nice?
I can't believe I'm admitting this here, but ...

Once upon a time, I volunteered to be a kitchen helper during Vacation Bible School. VBS is a huge event at our church. This particular year, I knew my work schedule was especially unpredictable, so I volunteered to "just help" rather than be "in charge."

On the first day of VBS I showed up in the kitchen after a really terrible horrible no good very bad day. A fellow mom was there already and I asked her what I could do to help. The response: "I don't know, I'm not in charge."

I know my way around a kitchen, so I surveyed the groceries and goodies to see if there were any clues about prep work and made a few guesses aloud. Again (and even more exasperated): "I don't know. I'm not in charge." It seemed to offend her when I tried to engage her in the guessing game ... we had volunteered, after all - and not to just stand there waiting for whoever was in charge to arrive and tell us what needed doing.

After the third - what I considered to be unnecessarily snotty - remark, words I'm pretty sure I had never before said directly to anyone bubbled up and out of my mouth.

"Why are you being such a b...ch?!"

We both gasped. I immediately tried to stuff the word back into my mouth with both hands, apologizing at the same time. Visibly horrified and shaking her head, she said, "What. You. Did. Is. Totally. Unforgivable."

I was incredulous. Unforgivable? I said a bad word. True, I applied the word to her, but ... Okay. Okay. Be contrite, I told myself.

I tried again to apologize, but was accused of being insincere. I may then have said something about um, her self-righteousness, and forgiveness being at the very core of Christianity ... before I slapped my hand over my mouth and scurried out of the kitchen. I took myself off to the adult class, skooched in next to my former fifth grade teacher (now a dear friend) and confessed my sin. And told her I obviously needed a remedial class right away.


Over the next weeks and months, I didn't stop apologizing. I confessed to our pastor. I sent what I was sure was a heartfelt letter to this woman, filled with biblical references I'd found about forgiveness. In retrospect, my letter very likely focused too much on what I saw as her duty to forgive rather than on my need to be forgiven. But I did try. Or thought I did. I prayed about it, asking God to show me a way to fix this situation and to soften her heart and accept my apology. Eventually, a peace of sorts grew between us. Still, more than 10 years later, it is still fresh in my memory - and I suspect is not too stale in hers.

As stories have a tendency of doing, this one made its way into the legend and lore of our office. "Ah, watch out or Nancy will call you a b...ch."


The lesson that I continue to learn is that church-goers are not perfect. Christians and other people of faith are not perfect. In fact, achieving perfection on Earth is not the point. Going on to perfection is an intentional process, a daily journey. I'm fond of saying that every day is another chance to do it right. And I know I can't do it by myself.


One of my favorite descriptions of Jesus is that he loves us and accepts us just the way we are but he also loves us too much to let us stay that way. What a relief.